Pingu and Pingvina in Egypt

Winter in Switzerland was too wet and cold even for our parents, after we pestered them for weeks they finally agreed to a very dry holiday location where we could heal our damp little bodies. Pingvina has never seen the desert which I loved so much in India so I insisted to show her what it’s like. The closest desert we could find was in Egypt, with camels just like in Rajasthan, so I pushed for a trip there. My parents were extremely excited about my recommendation, only later I found out why.

It pretty much went downhill from there. OK, the flight was wonderful, we even saw the great pyramids from our window. The climate was perfect - the heat dried our fluff within minutes, what a relief! Pingvina seemed to have lost some grams, she was sexier than ever. The hotel was ten thousand times better than our usual shacks, they had a huge hall just for dining with three buffets a day for hundreds of people - Pingu heaven!!! And the Egyptians loved me, they haven’t seen a real penguin before, one offered me a whole camel for Pingvina! (I declined of course, after a few sleepless nights) In the hotel they kept making us offerings in the form of animal towels, must be an old tradition in Egypt, but they became more and more agitated and unhappy and I realised that these guys either insisted on marrying Pingvina or wanted me to make rain, which is completely against my work ethics! I had my fun with the towels but later refused to accept them.

All this was OK, the rest was a nightmare. My parents were there for the diving - yuck $#@£@##!!!! We were stuck in the hotel room most of the time, sitting on our stupid towels. I liked the haggling but as soon as I accepted two camels for Pingvina they simply rolled with laughter. Then there was no alcohol, only a can of beer now and then - not enough for a holiday! The camel rides were too expensive for my parents - typical. We visited some ancient temples in Luxor where I unsuccessfully tried to contact their local gods with bird or even hippo heads - apart from loud breathing I couldn’t understand a word. They wrote in pictograms but I had no clue - couldn’t they just write so anyone can understand???
I liked the idea of my own tomb or pyramid though, me and Vini mummified to be remembered forever, thousands of slaves building our grave, a huge 5m tall pyramid or a tomb in the Valley of the Penguins, my curse protecting the treasures....

Pingu and Pingvina in Italy: Rome

After our useless holidays on the beach (grown ups, ts!) we were desperate for some culture, so we convinced our parents to travel to Rome, firstly because 2000 years of civilisation can’t be bad and who knows, maybe even I could learn something new there. Lots of mighty Roman gods (and people who fed them), the birthplace of Pizza and Pasta, philosophers and orgies. Destination Pingu!

Rome was one of the best places we’ve ever conquered, we loved it!!! Thanks to the cheap Chianti wine even Pingvina was passionate about it (she didn’t like the museums and ruins). And I was constantly reminded of my childhood in India:
-> noisy and angry drivers who wouldn’t stop for anybody - but leaving the car running in the middle of the street to slowly slurp an espresso,
-> smelly heaps of trash everywhere - but even in the grubbiest looking hole divine good cooking, never had a running nose!
-> everything was dented or scratched or dirty - but what grand monuments dating back to ancient kingdoms!
-> public transport was on strike, demonstrations and lots of shouting and arm waving - but people were so nice they cuddled us to bits
Great wonderful chaos everywhere, definitely not boring like Switzerland.

We lived right next to the Vatican and nearly saw the Pope but our parents didn’t want to arrange an audience for me. So I left some graffitti on his obelisk („Pingu was here“ and phone number). He never called back. The Colosseum was where slaves fought with lions and crazy gladiators fought each other, we just missed the last show by 1600 years. If I ever get back to my Maharaja kingdom I’ll build one of these. And I’ll have loads of giant Pingu statues made, also one for Pingvina.
We stuffed our bellies with the best available smells on the planet three times a day and there are hundreds of impressions and stories I could write about, but I have to stop now. It’s dinner time and I still have to load the photos mummy took (in the last photo we are imprisoned in the same dungeon where St.Peter and the arch enemies of Rome were kept - our parents were joking again). Ciao for now.

Pingu and Pingvina in the Maldives

Now you must think it’s all about fun and adventures, but working in Switzerland was also quite tough and stressful. Anyone who has tried to control the Swiss weather will agree: it’s nearly impossible to guarantee a sunny weekend! So I’d sit there from Monday until Friday close to burnout - with Pingvina regularly distracting me, talking nonstop while I try to work - trying to concentrate on a sunny weekend for our mountain trips. I was getting better at it, especially during summer, but I needed these weekends to recover from my constant headaches! I was run down. On top of that Vini was getting stroppy, always complaining about the house work, she was really jealous about my job. Well there can only be one Pingu the Weather God, can‘t there? When she started to ask questions about my tricks I was getting nervous...

We all needed a break. Finally we were off on holiday again and to begin with it sounded great. Then it turned out that my crazy parents booked a tiny island surrounded by water, somewhere in the Maldives. Another diving nightmare! This time we were left helpless and alone for hours every day for 2 weeks! I don’t think that’s legal, but I had time off work and once, during low tide, Pingvina convinced me to take our deck chair down to the beach for some photos. It was bloody close to the water, maybe you can see how I tried to climb as high as I could. See I don’t mind camels, hippos, elephants, dogs, monsters, whatever - but water is the only thing I’m really afraid of (and children maybe, and sometimes Pingvina). Maybe I need a shrink. Anyway, the restaurant was great, we relaxed and were it not for the water I’d book the Maldives again.
Read from the beginning: Welcome from Pingu & Pingvina Pingu

Pingu and Pingvina home again

Ok, maybe it‘s boring for you compared to our other crazy Pingu adventures, but in between our travels we didn’t just press our bums on the throne (it rather hurts to sit on the armrests), but got involved with some serious action stuff in Switzerland, too. My Papi took me to the mountains on his bike for example. The first bit was always depressing, he was sweating a lot (swearing, too) and coughing and breathing hard - it was similar to my camel rides in India. But after we reached the summits we dived head down these passes in fluff-raising speeds, my camels never managed to run that fast. He must have lost a lot of water because he always drank extreme amounts of beer after these trips.

My parents obviously thought that penguin kids were not enough, they wanted a pet to guard the house as well. In the zoo orphanage they ran past these tame octopus twins called Gary and Larry and they adopted both. Strangely they miowed and hunted birds, but with little bells on the tentacles it was less of a problem. But one of them had to go, so we sent Larry to England to my aunty. We got quite attached to that sucker Gary, he’s also evolved past any water contacts and is very fluffy, just like us. But he doesn’t talk, just a nice play pet for us kids.
In springtime I suddenly had the urge to build a nest for Pingvina, she appreciated my efforts but frankly, we didn’t know what to do with it. We stood around for at least two days and got bored. Quite a waste of time. We sometimes use it as a weekend cottage when it’s hot.

We also spent many weekends in the mountains together, walking in papi’s pant pockets, first sweating up the hills on foot and then the beer ceremony afterwards. We rode down in cable cars which was just right for Vini’s heart condition. She’s very sensitive but getting better now, at the beginning you couldn’t do anything with her.

One day we had some fun in a monster park that crazy Swiss artist called Bruno Weber built, it was cool and maybe one day I’ll build my own monster park. We also met a real monster in Basel, hundreds of years old, it’s the guard pet of the city and called Basilisk. It was pretty dried up and thirsty, they don’t feed it well. It took me 20 minutes to convince Pingvina to climb up into its claws for a photo - imagine my embarrassment, we had a real scene. Of course it was great to be up there, no worries at all and great posing. This thing never saw a famous Pingu before and was quite honoured to be photographed with us.

When Pingu met Pingvina...

I never ever thought about girls, first because I’ve never seen one, and second because I never understood the fuss my parents made about kissing and holding hands and stupid stuff. Then one day a parcel arrived from a remote island in Sweden, Gotland. It was the nicest thing I’ve ever seen! Out jumps this fluffy clean little penguin with the sweetest voice, holding a letter! It was as if lightning struck at my tailfeathers, I was electrified. Pingvina, Pingvina!!!! The letter explained that she grew up on this island, and that she was extremely lonely since birth, no other penguins to play with, a very quiet little girl who never neglected her household duties. She was an orphan like me, and her foster mummy who once met me in Switzerland knew that we were a perfect match. She was to be my ‚mail order bride‘ (who needs marriage anyway, I’d never accept my wings to be ringed, and what if a dog eats her by the end of the week? One has to consider all possibilities!). Oh, Vini, my life has never been the same, my dream girl, my inspiration, my home haven I’d always return to, I love yoooouuuuu!!!!!!

She already spoke some English - but she didn’t speak much. She was extremely shy and went straight to work dusting my throne and bedroom. She ate quite a lot and I have to admit that the bed was a bit small for both of us, not much space for moving around any more. And my bum was getting sore from sitting on the armrest. But most important of all, we found each other! And the way she looked at me... she always looked at me, stared in admiration from morning till night, it felt good. Wow, I suddenly had a Swedish girlfriend!
The photo shows our first New Year together, probably had a few beers too many, but she was still standing, boy did we party!

First expeditions and adventures

My early adolescent years were wild and I wasn’t afraid of anything (except water of course, you know how dangerous that stuff is for us evolved penguins). I spent a lot of my time in the Swiss Alps, you can imagine what an achievement that was with my short legs. Without the frequent rest in my Papi’s pocket I admit it would have been impossible to climb all these mountains. He also protected me from these monster beasts that they try to keep away from the villages with fences, they make them wear big noisy bells so children can run away when they are attacking. And they try to drop this gloopy stuff on you, I had a lot of nightmares.

Being a VIP in Switzerland I had the honour of a short flight in Bertrand Piccard’s Breitling Orbiter. In 5 minutes I couldn’t match his first successful balloon circumnavigation of the world but I was the first penguin ever to master such complex machinery. And I didn’t break it.

Lots of people wanted their picture taken with me. Here is one of two strange guys who normally like to scare kids, don’t worry I felt totally safe, often it’s not the big ugly freaks but the tiny cute fellas who can be really dangerous, so watch out for Pingu!

Another test of my courage was to step into the mouth of a Megalodon. This one was dead and dry, but I’ve seen enough films where things suddenly get scary. Maybe he wouldn’t have liked me between his megateeth, this one was over 17 metres and I pity my Antarctic ancestors who had to get wet and maybe meet this guy.

We also made a trip to Mami’s home island called England, where they have never heard of Pingu before. We searched the shores for penguins but found something much better: houses with up to 10 taps where beer is flowing out. In Switzerland they just have water on taps, this was cool! However, this sort of beer didn’t have any effect on my weather capabilities, they have some mean rain gods over there.

And then we had a huge party at home. My parents got married to legalise my status. I already had diplomatic rights due to being a Maharaja and god, but this meant that I wouldn’t end up like many divorce kids, spending one week here and there (if you know my Papi’s cooking you know what I mean), now we were a real family! And the smells alone were worth it.

Back in Switzerland with my parents

After 2 years of hard work and travelling in India we started to miss Papi, after all family should always come first and so we decided to go and live with him in Switzerland. It was a hard experience to acclimatise myself. It started as soon as we stepped into the car park in Zurich airport when I couldn’t breathe. There was just nothing to inhale! No smells, no essences to nibble on, only slowly I again learned to distinguish food from recreational smells and breathing. Thank God I stored lots of smell reserves in my body tissue, there must have been a dust particle from everywhere in India stashed under my wings, but they gradually disappeared. I have still a few Indian ones hidden 10 years later but I won’t tell anyone where exactly. Another reason was that I had finetuned my skills so well to the desert environment, when they suddenly asked me to make good weather for the weekends I was a total failure. I was used to a success rate of 100% and now it dropped to 30%, I was depressed.

Boy then I learned what evil substance water was (now don't say "But you're a penguin" @#!!$ Only snow is bearable)! There was so much of it around! I completely ignored it before but when it drops fom the sky and people talk of sticking me into washing machines the whole time it’s scary. It was now definitely a goal for me to stop the rain as often as I could. My parents shared the same opinion that I would probably disintegrate if caught in a storm or washed so that was off the table once and for all, what a relief ! But I absolutely hate it when Mami tapes me!!!

And there were the good times. More kinds of beer than you can imagine, and all that wine. I discovered the mountains and gorges, did some snowboarding, meditated at high altitudes, it was my fourth childhood, and slowly I got some control over the weather. Pingu was back!

Ad: The best Switzerland Hotels - Zurich Hotels - Interlaken Hotels!

Early childhood in Switzerland

My second childhood in Switzerland was short. After the hell I went through it felt like being reborn. Soon my nightmares stopped (wings falling off, stuffed in a dark box, suffocating under countless other penguins etc.) and I discovered how superb food can smell, somehow it made me feel very energetic. Even today I still like burnt stuff. I grew into a handsome little Pingu boy. Only my Papi’s remark „take you to India as a gift for children“ scared me down to the bones, but obviously he was joking.

Well, actually my Papi wasn’t that nice to me back then. He was mostly out and I was lying around the whole time (I have some trouble moving around by myself). I remember he was very excited when he received phone calls from far away, it looked like he would soon leave this place here and me behind. Very confusing. Then he really packed a big bag – and me inside!

Switzerland Hotels