Pingu and Pingvina in the Maldives

Now you must think it’s all about fun and adventures, but working in Switzerland was also quite tough and stressful. Anyone who has tried to control the Swiss weather will agree: it’s nearly impossible to guarantee a sunny weekend! So I’d sit there from Monday until Friday close to burnout - with Pingvina regularly distracting me, talking nonstop while I try to work - trying to concentrate on a sunny weekend for our mountain trips. I was getting better at it, especially during summer, but I needed these weekends to recover from my constant headaches! I was run down. On top of that Vini was getting stroppy, always complaining about the house work, she was really jealous about my job. Well there can only be one Pingu the Weather God, can‘t there? When she started to ask questions about my tricks I was getting nervous...

We all needed a break. Finally we were off on holiday again and to begin with it sounded great. Then it turned out that my crazy parents booked a tiny island surrounded by water, somewhere in the Maldives. Another diving nightmare! This time we were left helpless and alone for hours every day for 2 weeks! I don’t think that’s legal, but I had time off work and once, during low tide, Pingvina convinced me to take our deck chair down to the beach for some photos. It was bloody close to the water, maybe you can see how I tried to climb as high as I could. See I don’t mind camels, hippos, elephants, dogs, monsters, whatever - but water is the only thing I’m really afraid of (and children maybe, and sometimes Pingvina). Maybe I need a shrink. Anyway, the restaurant was great, we relaxed and were it not for the water I’d book the Maldives again.
Read from the beginning: Welcome from Pingu & Pingvina Pingu

Pingu and Pingvina home again

Ok, maybe it‘s boring for you compared to our other crazy Pingu adventures, but in between our travels we didn’t just press our bums on the throne (it rather hurts to sit on the armrests), but got involved with some serious action stuff in Switzerland, too. My Papi took me to the mountains on his bike for example. The first bit was always depressing, he was sweating a lot (swearing, too) and coughing and breathing hard - it was similar to my camel rides in India. But after we reached the summits we dived head down these passes in fluff-raising speeds, my camels never managed to run that fast. He must have lost a lot of water because he always drank extreme amounts of beer after these trips.

My parents obviously thought that penguin kids were not enough, they wanted a pet to guard the house as well. In the zoo orphanage they ran past these tame octopus twins called Gary and Larry and they adopted both. Strangely they miowed and hunted birds, but with little bells on the tentacles it was less of a problem. But one of them had to go, so we sent Larry to England to my aunty. We got quite attached to that sucker Gary, he’s also evolved past any water contacts and is very fluffy, just like us. But he doesn’t talk, just a nice play pet for us kids.
In springtime I suddenly had the urge to build a nest for Pingvina, she appreciated my efforts but frankly, we didn’t know what to do with it. We stood around for at least two days and got bored. Quite a waste of time. We sometimes use it as a weekend cottage when it’s hot.

We also spent many weekends in the mountains together, walking in papi’s pant pockets, first sweating up the hills on foot and then the beer ceremony afterwards. We rode down in cable cars which was just right for Vini’s heart condition. She’s very sensitive but getting better now, at the beginning you couldn’t do anything with her.

One day we had some fun in a monster park that crazy Swiss artist called Bruno Weber built, it was cool and maybe one day I’ll build my own monster park. We also met a real monster in Basel, hundreds of years old, it’s the guard pet of the city and called Basilisk. It was pretty dried up and thirsty, they don’t feed it well. It took me 20 minutes to convince Pingvina to climb up into its claws for a photo - imagine my embarrassment, we had a real scene. Of course it was great to be up there, no worries at all and great posing. This thing never saw a famous Pingu before and was quite honoured to be photographed with us.

First expeditions and adventures

My early adolescent years were wild and I wasn’t afraid of anything (except water of course, you know how dangerous that stuff is for us evolved penguins). I spent a lot of my time in the Swiss Alps, you can imagine what an achievement that was with my short legs. Without the frequent rest in my Papi’s pocket I admit it would have been impossible to climb all these mountains. He also protected me from these monster beasts that they try to keep away from the villages with fences, they make them wear big noisy bells so children can run away when they are attacking. And they try to drop this gloopy stuff on you, I had a lot of nightmares.

Being a VIP in Switzerland I had the honour of a short flight in Bertrand Piccard’s Breitling Orbiter. In 5 minutes I couldn’t match his first successful balloon circumnavigation of the world but I was the first penguin ever to master such complex machinery. And I didn’t break it.

Lots of people wanted their picture taken with me. Here is one of two strange guys who normally like to scare kids, don’t worry I felt totally safe, often it’s not the big ugly freaks but the tiny cute fellas who can be really dangerous, so watch out for Pingu!

Another test of my courage was to step into the mouth of a Megalodon. This one was dead and dry, but I’ve seen enough films where things suddenly get scary. Maybe he wouldn’t have liked me between his megateeth, this one was over 17 metres and I pity my Antarctic ancestors who had to get wet and maybe meet this guy.

We also made a trip to Mami’s home island called England, where they have never heard of Pingu before. We searched the shores for penguins but found something much better: houses with up to 10 taps where beer is flowing out. In Switzerland they just have water on taps, this was cool! However, this sort of beer didn’t have any effect on my weather capabilities, they have some mean rain gods over there.

And then we had a huge party at home. My parents got married to legalise my status. I already had diplomatic rights due to being a Maharaja and god, but this meant that I wouldn’t end up like many divorce kids, spending one week here and there (if you know my Papi’s cooking you know what I mean), now we were a real family! And the smells alone were worth it.

Becoming a God

India is a crazy place, we had so much fun. I turned into a little celebrity and with all this attention they soon realised that 1. I’m not a chicken and 2. I’m not just an ordinary penguin either! I heard a lot about them living in Antarctica, their bums frozen on ice blocks (it’s ok in whiskey), eating raw fish (better in a hot curry) and even getting wet to catch it themselves, what a disgusting and backward way to live! And no smells down there, just cold wind and so boring. I was definitely a step further in evolution: no more flying, no more swimming in stupid water, not even walking is necessary for me!

People noticed that I don’t eat the dirty way like them, but that I can live from smelling food (it has to be nutritious though). That is just the way Indian Gods eat! It soon dawned on me and others, that I must be a sort of god, too. Blimey there are 300 million so the chances were quite big it’s true! But then what was my job, I must serve a purpose, right? We researched and Mami found out that when she feeds me spirits, which I like most of all smells, that it never rained on the next day. We tried to prove this daily for months and months and it was always true! I can keep the rain away! We learned that my boss was called Indra and I’m one of his weather gods! I am more efficient in my Rajasthan home area than elsewhere but that’s also because elsewhere the smells are less intense and Mami doesn’t have loads of disciples who feed me.

And there’s more! During an opium ceremony I half-dreamed that I was born into slavery for a purpose, for I was a wicked film star in an earlier life. Apparently I made lots of dosh and had lots of girlfriends, my Papi even named me Pingu after him (myself) because he (I) was so famous. But I don’t look back. I must have sinned so much it’s best to keep quiet and just fulfill my duty and remain humble about it all (but check out my fan corner on the left hand side, cool!).

Welcome from Pingu & Pingvina!

Hello friends around the world

This page will tell you all about my fascinating adventure life - including love life and beer parties - but first I want to tell you about my early beginnings, being born a small orphaned penguin slave in China. Don't cry now, everything turned out well in the end.

I hatched in 1997 in a penguin farm somewhere in China, a slave kid among thousands, my destiny was to be sold to some dangerous children for torture, lots of wing-pulling and certain death. I don't remember much but the journey was long, dark and cold. I had to be brave for my brothers and sisters and tried to protect them as much as I could, but I was packed in plastic and couldn't move.

Suddenly flashes of light, heavenly smells and before I knew it I saw my Papi for the first time! He bought me out of slavery, freeing me from that happy meal box, I don't think my brothers and sisters were so lucky (shudder). I was a free penguin!

He gave me my first real nest!

I now had a Papi and a home and I was happy. But I felt there was still something missing, I didn't know what.

Pingu