Becoming a God

India is a crazy place, we had so much fun. I turned into a little celebrity and with all this attention they soon realised that 1. I’m not a chicken and 2. I’m not just an ordinary penguin either! I heard a lot about them living in Antarctica, their bums frozen on ice blocks (it’s ok in whiskey), eating raw fish (better in a hot curry) and even getting wet to catch it themselves, what a disgusting and backward way to live! And no smells down there, just cold wind and so boring. I was definitely a step further in evolution: no more flying, no more swimming in stupid water, not even walking is necessary for me!

People noticed that I don’t eat the dirty way like them, but that I can live from smelling food (it has to be nutritious though). That is just the way Indian Gods eat! It soon dawned on me and others, that I must be a sort of god, too. Blimey there are 300 million so the chances were quite big it’s true! But then what was my job, I must serve a purpose, right? We researched and Mami found out that when she feeds me spirits, which I like most of all smells, that it never rained on the next day. We tried to prove this daily for months and months and it was always true! I can keep the rain away! We learned that my boss was called Indra and I’m one of his weather gods! I am more efficient in my Rajasthan home area than elsewhere but that’s also because elsewhere the smells are less intense and Mami doesn’t have loads of disciples who feed me.

And there’s more! During an opium ceremony I half-dreamed that I was born into slavery for a purpose, for I was a wicked film star in an earlier life. Apparently I made lots of dosh and had lots of girlfriends, my Papi even named me Pingu after him (myself) because he (I) was so famous. But I don’t look back. I must have sinned so much it’s best to keep quiet and just fulfill my duty and remain humble about it all (but check out my fan corner on the left hand side, cool!).