Back in Switzerland with my parents

After 2 years of hard work and travelling in India we started to miss Papi, after all family should always come first and so we decided to go and live with him in Switzerland. It was a hard experience to acclimatise myself. It started as soon as we stepped into the car park in Zurich airport when I couldn’t breathe. There was just nothing to inhale! No smells, no essences to nibble on, only slowly I again learned to distinguish food from recreational smells and breathing. Thank God I stored lots of smell reserves in my body tissue, there must have been a dust particle from everywhere in India stashed under my wings, but they gradually disappeared. I have still a few Indian ones hidden 10 years later but I won’t tell anyone where exactly. Another reason was that I had finetuned my skills so well to the desert environment, when they suddenly asked me to make good weather for the weekends I was a total failure. I was used to a success rate of 100% and now it dropped to 30%, I was depressed.

Boy then I learned what evil substance water was (now don't say "But you're a penguin" @#!!$ Only snow is bearable)! There was so much of it around! I completely ignored it before but when it drops fom the sky and people talk of sticking me into washing machines the whole time it’s scary. It was now definitely a goal for me to stop the rain as often as I could. My parents shared the same opinion that I would probably disintegrate if caught in a storm or washed so that was off the table once and for all, what a relief ! But I absolutely hate it when Mami tapes me!!!

And there were the good times. More kinds of beer than you can imagine, and all that wine. I discovered the mountains and gorges, did some snowboarding, meditated at high altitudes, it was my fourth childhood, and slowly I got some control over the weather. Pingu was back!

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Becoming a God

India is a crazy place, we had so much fun. I turned into a little celebrity and with all this attention they soon realised that 1. I’m not a chicken and 2. I’m not just an ordinary penguin either! I heard a lot about them living in Antarctica, their bums frozen on ice blocks (it’s ok in whiskey), eating raw fish (better in a hot curry) and even getting wet to catch it themselves, what a disgusting and backward way to live! And no smells down there, just cold wind and so boring. I was definitely a step further in evolution: no more flying, no more swimming in stupid water, not even walking is necessary for me!

People noticed that I don’t eat the dirty way like them, but that I can live from smelling food (it has to be nutritious though). That is just the way Indian Gods eat! It soon dawned on me and others, that I must be a sort of god, too. Blimey there are 300 million so the chances were quite big it’s true! But then what was my job, I must serve a purpose, right? We researched and Mami found out that when she feeds me spirits, which I like most of all smells, that it never rained on the next day. We tried to prove this daily for months and months and it was always true! I can keep the rain away! We learned that my boss was called Indra and I’m one of his weather gods! I am more efficient in my Rajasthan home area than elsewhere but that’s also because elsewhere the smells are less intense and Mami doesn’t have loads of disciples who feed me.

And there’s more! During an opium ceremony I half-dreamed that I was born into slavery for a purpose, for I was a wicked film star in an earlier life. Apparently I made lots of dosh and had lots of girlfriends, my Papi even named me Pingu after him (myself) because he (I) was so famous. But I don’t look back. I must have sinned so much it’s best to keep quiet and just fulfill my duty and remain humble about it all (but check out my fan corner on the left hand side, cool!).