Pingu just surviving Greece (and water)

For once there was no time to listen to Pingvina’s complaints („Pingu this, Pingu that“ we heard that before), because I had so much to tell her! She thought I was the first ever Pingu explorer in South Africa and was extremely proud. But she threatened to destroy my throne if I ever travelled alone again as she was trembling with fear throughout the holidays, she already started picking an the expensive decoration. She’s also allergic to grandmother’s smoking. Pingvina is sometimes very determined. There I was in the old hero tragedy - conquer the world or stay home with my wife?I’ve been to Greece before on a weekend so I decided she can come along for a test trip. The first time I liked Greece because it had plenty of good food and I could sniff some wine on every table. Being a weather god in Greece was easy: first because they are used to this profession and second because my caffeine levels were high enough from all the yummy cold frappe coffees.It turned out Greece was a success for Pingvina but a real shock for myself. First to hear that this time we would explore the islands with all that water in between. But if there was no danger on our trip Pingvina would think I’m a wimp with wings, so for once I kept quiet and just let them book the ferry. The ferries were not all bad, as soon as we had coffee and sat at the bar I stopped trembling. Pingvina was never on a boat before and it was perplexing to see her enjoy herself, a woman full of surprises!

We had a lovely holiday, got rid of the stress and tensions of everyday life, it’s just not healthy these days, mind you we spend all our days two penguins on a throne built for one (and she’s not exactly ‚skinny‘). Greece is perfect to relax. It must be cheap because my parents really stuffed themselves. We smelled lots of flowers, rode a vespa to volcano summits, walked around temples and simply enjoyed ourselves. One of the highlights was a joy ride on a tortoise: they’re so deaf and old they didn’t even notice my rodeo stunt. I was finally able to prove to Vini that it was really me on the camels and elephants in India. We were so romantic, enjoying our candle light dinners, the improvised camping beds at night, the views and memories we shared....! I didn’t mind having her with me at all!Then the nightmare began. Santorini was the most beautiful place on our trip, but it nearly cost me my life!!!! Sometimes happiness and peril are so close and even the most innocent (me!) are at risk. I lost some of my memory due to the trauma, but let me try to recollect the events.
One moment I was happily swinging in the trouser balcony of my dad, getting ready for dinner in a nice restaurant in town (by the way this town was built on a volcano, which is very dangerous in itself but let’s forget that for a moment), the next moment I fell head down onto the dark pavement, it was like a nightmare but I just couldn’t wake up! I heard the steps getting more quiet, then there was nothing at all but silence and darkness, I waited for them to run back and yell ‚surprise‘. But it didn’t happen. If I‘d had a drop of water in my body I would have cried. I lost my sense of time, just floating in loneliness, thinking about Pingvina, my parents, our travels, beer and and if I would ever see all this again. Then it got worse. Incredible noise, a jolt and pain I never felt before, then absolute silence again. No feeling at all. Looking back now I think I have been punished by the Greek gods for meddling in their affairs, the people were obviously desperate for some rain and I held it back against their will. Wow the gods down there are obviously extremely proud and xenophobic (one of their own words right?), never had the same problem with the Indian (nobody cared, probably too much of that ganja in the air) or Swiss gods (too regulated, can’t get out of control). Well I was lying down on the floor for hours reviving the senses in my toes and wingtips. Then suddenly out of nowhere my daddy’s soft caring hand picked me up from disintegration, my lesson was over. I couldn’t utter a word and he rushed me to the dinner table where mummy and Pingvina were waiting. It was like being in a christmas film. Two bottles of beer brought my senses back and we exchanged our stories until late at night.

But the nightmare wasn’t over! After a comatose night (I just remember hearing Pingvina whispering „Pingu....my Pingu...my hero...“ and then I slept) suddenly my mum noticed in daylight that I was (supposedly) extremely dirty, what a nonsense! I never thought my mummy would ever turn out to be my second biggest nightmare! For the first time in my life - AND MY LAAAST TIME!!!! - I had a disgusting shower, what a horrible stupid crazy activity, it freaked the hell out of me. Pingvina didn’t make things better when she showed solidarity and joined the queue, she meant it nicely but made me look stupid. I was wet for hours, unable to move, I felt my seams get weaker and weaker, my feet were heavy, my brain unable to spark a thought, just one more shower and I will call it quits. Ok the next day Pingvina insisted that my belly was shining impressively and I noticed some improvement in reaching out to distant smells, but after near-death who wouldn’t feel like a reborn baby? I had the worst day of my life, for the first time I longed for my Maharaja bed and cushioned throne (if Vini doesn’t gnaw it). Well, we had the best and worst of times in Greece, in the end I got over it.

Pingu in South Africa

All that travelling wasn’t good for Pingvina’s heart condition and I heard from my grandparents that she started to complain about my travels, „Pingu this...“ and „Pingu that...“, I was glad I wasn’t there to hear her insults. In the end I received a warm welcome, she was relieved that none of my wings were missing and I impressed her a lot with my adventure stories. She was proud of me.

Little did she know what adventures were waiting for me in South Africa! Neither did I. There were many moments of great danger when I thought of her waiting for me on the Pingu throne or in the Pingu King size bed.

First I liked it a lot, I just fitted in. We were invited to yummy barbecues (they call them braai), they are the real barbie masters and they threw so much on it I couldn’t keep up with smelling all that stuff. On top of that they drink huge amounts of beer, because of this their bellies are of similar shape as mine. Just my sort of country.

My parents had to work off all that food so we went trekking up some crazy mountains called Amphitheatre and Drakensberg, I was constantly busy avoiding their dangerous sweat drops. They put me on the edge of a 1000m deep cliff face, right next to the second highest waterfall on earth, my heart was racing I can tell you. But that’s the sort of adventure I can cope with. My mummy would have climbed down the cliff to get me, I know that.

On the way down a little crocodile jumped on my back, we later found out it was actually a baby chameleon who obviously wanted my protection from other wild animals. It kept me free from flies for a while (I seem to attract them too, don’t know why, protection from chameleons?), but soon we had to peel its sticky feet off my back because I realised it might poo on me.

The next adventure would have scared the poo out of every penguin or Pingu, my parents went diving again. I was nearly lost forever in a hut with big dangerous insects (I can still hear the humming of the giant mosquitoes), somewhere in Africa without my Pingvina, I nearly lost my parents! Diving is stupid enough, this time they were diving to see big dangerous sharks! Others are clever enough to dive in a safe cage but not my parents. After 2 hours of shivering under the blanket - ehm actually I was training my muscles to get ready for intruders - they finally came back, all wet with disgusting salt water and with big bruises on their legs. Some weird jelly fish creature tried to eat them alive. I knew it was crazy to go but they didn’t listen. Served them right. Underwater is no environment for humans or penguins.

I didn’t know that it could be just as dangerous on land. I thought we’d go to a big zoo but we suddenly saw all these crazy monsters running around freely: big stinky buffaloes, herds of angry looking wildebeests, silly giraffes with absurdly long legs and necks (must be a backstep of evolution, you don’t need either when you’re intelligent enough), a leopard sneaked through the greenery plotting some attack on me, short-sighted rhinoceros were no danger to humans but they sniffed me out, we even saw lions eating an antilope, so glad they weren’t hungry anymore! Not enough, we also camped overnight, if only Pingvina would have been there with me. Right behind the house we had hippos with huge mouths that can fit at least 150 Pingus, of course I didn’t get close to the water but at night they came out to look for food. I continued my training programme.

Pingu in Malaysia

Before travelling to Malaysia we spent a nice Easter in our celebration nest. It was getting warmer so she could take off her winter shawl and hat, but she wouldn’t let me wear my poncho neither. The eggs you can see are not real, Pingvina might be ready for children but I prefer chocolate around me. Hm, we should start to merchandise Pingu chocolate eggs and I could test smell all of them, I take a note for the future.

We had a peaceful family life for a while, got to know each other better, I told Pingvina all about Mexico and heard about every single talkshow episode on TV. My bum stopped hurting from sharing the throne and I also learned to divide my food with this most adorable girl in the world. Because she was too young and inexperienced we soon left her with the grandparents once more and headed off to Malaysia!
It was a tough place for a penguin, I didn’t like this trip very much. Malaysia has good smells, I admit that, for example lovely food markets with fresh fish and car loads of raw meat (shame my mami rushed by so fast), or all the offerings in the temples (a great tradition of feeding the gods), a real Pingu feast. Children were better behaved than everywhere else, just smiling and no sticky fingers and sharp teeth, public transport was well organised, too. BUT WHERE‘S THE ALCOHOL???? A very strange concept, the whole country not drinking beer. And then even more strange, in spite of this we did find these incredibly fantastic gorgeous great superb coffee shops which were not selling coffee at all but BEER!!!! And great smells from fresh kitchen stalls all around. Then it turned out that these were Chinese coffee shops. I was torn between fear of new slavery and divine smells to refresh my brain. The smells won within seconds. No one threw me into the pots, no Sweet Sour Pingu on the menu, I haven’t been stored for 1000 years and not been dried for medicine. It was great. But we only found a few of these places and now we come to problem number 2 in Malaysia: my parents headed for all these remote islands, surrounded by evil water, definitely beer free, they dared to leave me alone in the beach huts all day without Pingvina to hold my wings, with waves crashing while they went UNDERWATER which is downright crazy, and they always decided to stay a day longer again and again$@@#!!!#@*!!!The only fun I had on the islands was taming the stupid crabs, they thought they could get me but I was much too heavy to be carried away. I let them pick some dirt off and then kicked them back into their holes. Hm, maybe Malaysia wasn’t that bad overall, but I had a real bad hangover for weeks from the lack of spiritual nutrition.

Pingu in Mexico

Travelling is nothing for fragile little girls, too dangerous and dirty! It requires courage and a tough skin to do that, so we left Pingvina with her grandparents on the couch, packed her up for a hard winter (that was 2001) and headed off towards Mexico!

Sorry for the useless photos, my parents (just ignore them) cared more for themselves but for me. I tried to win their hearts with making good weather, which I did very successfully, I was also kind of used to the desert environment. Quite interesting to talk to the local weather gods, couldn’t understand much, but very impressive to see how they were worshipped. I wouldn’t mind to have my own big stone pyramid to sit on, some priests visiting regularly, but even though smelling blood sacrifices might be nutritious it’s also barbaric, we live in modern times I think and whoever asks for more than beer is downright arrogant.

It was lonely sleeping on my big fleece mattress every day, sometimes I was under bug attack and had to fight on my own. Well that’s part of travelling, it wasn’t easy after a hard day to think of Pingvina at home, smelling coffee the whole day, enjoying regular meals and all that TV.

Mexico was not as interesting as India, not enough smells and always dusty. People loved me of course and the food was fine (had to sneeze a lot because of the chili), San Miguel and Sol became good friends of mine, but nothing but donkeys to ride on, too close to a lot of water (and my parents even went under water while a forsaken penguin waited in a dusty bag!) and for the first time ever I was separated from my girlfriend.

The only highlight for me was to meet millions of butterflies in the monarch sanctuary near Zitacuaro. They were very friendly, also great travellers, they fly thousands of kilometres every year from as far as Canada to come home to their little forest for a winter party, I wish we modern migrant penguins would have a place like this. Maybe Heineken could sponsor it.

By the way, my Papi has written a Spanish course for beginners and I'm so proud of him, I showed him how to write a blog for it: 'Spanish language course for beginners and travellers'!

When Pingu met Pingvina...

I never ever thought about girls, first because I’ve never seen one, and second because I never understood the fuss my parents made about kissing and holding hands and stupid stuff. Then one day a parcel arrived from a remote island in Sweden, Gotland. It was the nicest thing I’ve ever seen! Out jumps this fluffy clean little penguin with the sweetest voice, holding a letter! It was as if lightning struck at my tailfeathers, I was electrified. Pingvina, Pingvina!!!! The letter explained that she grew up on this island, and that she was extremely lonely since birth, no other penguins to play with, a very quiet little girl who never neglected her household duties. She was an orphan like me, and her foster mummy who once met me in Switzerland knew that we were a perfect match. She was to be my ‚mail order bride‘ (who needs marriage anyway, I’d never accept my wings to be ringed, and what if a dog eats her by the end of the week? One has to consider all possibilities!). Oh, Vini, my life has never been the same, my dream girl, my inspiration, my home haven I’d always return to, I love yoooouuuuu!!!!!!

She already spoke some English - but she didn’t speak much. She was extremely shy and went straight to work dusting my throne and bedroom. She ate quite a lot and I have to admit that the bed was a bit small for both of us, not much space for moving around any more. And my bum was getting sore from sitting on the armrest. But most important of all, we found each other! And the way she looked at me... she always looked at me, stared in admiration from morning till night, it felt good. Wow, I suddenly had a Swedish girlfriend!
The photo shows our first New Year together, probably had a few beers too many, but she was still standing, boy did we party!

First honeymoon in New Zealand

With the sweet smell of dozens of wine bottles and beer cases in my belly we left for my parent’s honeymoon in Bali (just cured our hangover there, but seeing their cool attitudes towards gods in general I might go back one day) and New Zealand. Mami was there before India and liked it so much she wanted to show us how beautiful it is. We travelled the whole country and I learned that penguins don’t just live in Antarctica, but that there are some half-civilised fellows living under houses and in villages. Hey buddies, just a small step and you’re there! This swimming and raw fish diet really spoils it all, they smell worse than camels!

I could move quite freely because they never heard of Pingu before. Even for me the Pingu thing can get too overwhelming, I like my peaceful dialogues with nature.

See how close I got to water!!! I was growing up fast these days. I had my own River Prayag Pingu Temple, made of stone so it will last forever. There was always the danger of a flash flood or a wicked seabird snatching me up, or a wind gust throwing me into the waves, or trees falling over onto my spot, or wild fish jumping out to get me or rain to make me wet, but I occupied my side job long enough for a photo.

Because I didn’t want to be left alone in a house with a cat I agreed to come on a sailing trip. Water everywhere! Why do people do such things? I repeatedly took over the rudder to steer back into the port but the captain insisted on his plans (see one of our fights on the photo). He was a real captain with a big beard and I was happy not to get tangled up in it. Once he explained that the boat belonged to a famous Hollywood actor with a very similar lifestyle to mine (Erroll Flynn - a sort of Hollywood’s version of Pingu), I felt more at home. Couldn’t smell any alcohol left though, he must have drunk it all before he sold the boat. I also survived this adventure, hopefully enough proof that I’m not such a softie.

New Zealand travel info:

Back in Switzerland with my parents

After 2 years of hard work and travelling in India we started to miss Papi, after all family should always come first and so we decided to go and live with him in Switzerland. It was a hard experience to acclimatise myself. It started as soon as we stepped into the car park in Zurich airport when I couldn’t breathe. There was just nothing to inhale! No smells, no essences to nibble on, only slowly I again learned to distinguish food from recreational smells and breathing. Thank God I stored lots of smell reserves in my body tissue, there must have been a dust particle from everywhere in India stashed under my wings, but they gradually disappeared. I have still a few Indian ones hidden 10 years later but I won’t tell anyone where exactly. Another reason was that I had finetuned my skills so well to the desert environment, when they suddenly asked me to make good weather for the weekends I was a total failure. I was used to a success rate of 100% and now it dropped to 30%, I was depressed.

Boy then I learned what evil substance water was (now don't say "But you're a penguin" @#!!$ Only snow is bearable)! There was so much of it around! I completely ignored it before but when it drops fom the sky and people talk of sticking me into washing machines the whole time it’s scary. It was now definitely a goal for me to stop the rain as often as I could. My parents shared the same opinion that I would probably disintegrate if caught in a storm or washed so that was off the table once and for all, what a relief ! But I absolutely hate it when Mami tapes me!!!

And there were the good times. More kinds of beer than you can imagine, and all that wine. I discovered the mountains and gorges, did some snowboarding, meditated at high altitudes, it was my fourth childhood, and slowly I got some control over the weather. Pingu was back!

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