Pingukids - Pingu & Pingvina

What's to come...

2010-10-16T11:12:00.049+13:00

Pingu and Pingvina travel to Las Vegas and San Francisco:

Pingu and Pingvina conquer Australia (only Sydney and region):

Pingu & Pingvina back in Switzerland:

Pingu and Pingvina adventures in Hong Kong:

Pingu and Pingvina enjoy Samoa:

Pingu and Pingvina in Singapore:

A new home for Pingu & Pingvina: New Zealand!

Pingu and Pingvina discover Fiji:

Pingu and Pingvina travel around Naples, Capri and Pompeij:

A weak romantic moment of Pingu's in Venice:
Pingu and Pingvina love their holidays with Auntie Issy:

Pingu and Pingvina in Barcelona

Pingu and Pingvina in France and Monaco:

Very odd stuff happening:

Pingu and Pingvina travel around Morrocco:

Pingu and Pingvina explore Andalusia:

Pingu and Pingvina again in Egypt:

Pingu and Pinvina in Mallorca:

Pingu and Pingvina in Turkey:

Pingu & Pingvina watch 3D in Vienna:

Pingvina (and Pingu) in America

2010-04-09T19:20:00.011+12:00

One day all of a sudden our young love was torn apart by our parents‘ separation, a symptom of modern times, but we struggled through and survived stronger than before. Mummy was asked if she could work in New York for 9 months, said yes and chose Pingvina over me to go with her (she didn’t trust Daddy to keep us both). I only heard stories but am afraid my girl consumed a lot of alcohol without my nose at her side, and that the food portions were just too big for 1 penguin alone, she was definitely 1 cm wider when she finally returned.

The only photo available to the public is Pingvina getting ready for her Halloween night out in New York. I can only imagine the rest. I had an incredibly boring time back home in Switzerland with my dad and his poor cooking, so I was pleading for Pingvina to come home (as he was for mummy) whenever I got an opportunity.

America turned out to become a big part of our lives and we went back many times.

Even as a baby one of my idols was Arnold Schwarzenegger, my early acting career was influenced by James Dean and I was always a Metallica fan. Arnold would be proud to see us standing on his little Hollywood star. I’m thinking about buying one for myself.
Pingvina showed me around New York, I especially liked the biggest Pizzeria in the world. Here we are looking down to Central Park from the Rockefeller Building.
Being a Maharaja and semi God, I was invited for a free diplomatic visit to the UN Headquarters. I had a sleepless night preparing my speech for the general assembly but when the moment arrived I couldn’t utter a word. Now I regret my missed opportunity and the penguin farms in China continue to exist. To make up for it I considered sponsoring a ‚Pingu wing‘ at the Getty Center in Los Angeles, but decided that I needed it for myself to wave to my fans.

In Miami we were glad to see a reasonable bunch of humans trying to get people OUT of the stupid water!

Pingu and Pingvina in Egypt

2009-05-29T13:02:00.014+12:00

Winter in Switzerland was too wet and cold even for our parents, after we pestered them for weeks they finally agreed to a very dry holiday location where we could heal our damp little bodies. Pingvina has never seen the desert which I loved so much in India so I insisted to show her what it’s like. The closest desert we could find was in Egypt, with camels just like in Rajasthan, so I pushed for a trip there. My parents were extremely excited about my recommendation, only later I found out why.

It pretty much went downhill from there. OK, the flight was wonderful, we even saw the great pyramids from our window. The climate was perfect - the heat dried our fluff within minutes, what a relief! Pingvina seemed to have lost some grams, she was sexier than ever. The hotel was ten thousand times better than our usual shacks, they had a huge hall just for dining with three buffets a day for hundreds of people - Pingu heaven!!! And the Egyptians loved me, they haven’t seen a real penguin before, one offered me a whole camel for Pingvina! (I declined of course, after a few sleepless nights) In the hotel they kept making us offerings in the form of animal towels, must be an old tradition in Egypt, but they became more and more agitated and unhappy and I realised that these guys either insisted on marrying Pingvina or wanted me to make rain, which is completely against my work ethics! I had my fun with the towels but later refused to accept them.

All this was OK, the rest was a nightmare. My parents were there for the diving - yuck $#@£@##!!!! We were stuck in the hotel room most of the time, sitting on our stupid towels. I liked the haggling but as soon as I accepted two camels for Pingvina they simply rolled with laughter. Then there was no alcohol, only a can of beer now and then - not enough for a holiday! The camel rides were too expensive for my parents - typical. We visited some ancient temples in Luxor where I unsuccessfully tried to contact their local gods with bird or even hippo heads - apart from loud breathing I couldn’t understand a word. They wrote in pictograms but I had no clue - couldn’t they just write so anyone can understand???
I liked the idea of my own tomb or pyramid though, me and Vini mummified to be remembered forever, thousands of slaves building our grave, a huge 5m tall pyramid or a tomb in the Valley of the Penguins, my curse protecting the treasures....

Pingu and Pingvina in Italy: Rome

2008-10-27T17:56:00.009+13:00

After our useless holidays on the beach (grown ups, ts!) we were desperate for some culture, so we convinced our parents to travel to Rome, firstly because 2000 years of civilisation can’t be bad and who knows, maybe even I could learn something new there. Lots of mighty Roman gods (and people who fed them), the birthplace of Pizza and Pasta, philosophers and orgies. Destination Pingu!

Rome was one of the best places we’ve ever conquered, we loved it!!! Thanks to the cheap Chianti wine even Pingvina was passionate about it (she didn’t like the museums and ruins). And I was constantly reminded of my childhood in India:
-> noisy and angry drivers who wouldn’t stop for anybody - but leaving the car running in the middle of the street to slowly slurp an espresso,
-> smelly heaps of trash everywhere - but even in the grubbiest looking hole divine good cooking, never had a running nose!
-> everything was dented or scratched or dirty - but what grand monuments dating back to ancient kingdoms!
-> public transport was on strike, demonstrations and lots of shouting and arm waving - but people were so nice they cuddled us to bits
Great wonderful chaos everywhere, definitely not boring like Switzerland.

We lived right next to the Vatican and nearly saw the Pope but our parents didn’t want to arrange an audience for me. So I left some graffitti on his obelisk („Pingu was here“ and phone number). He never called back. The Colosseum was where slaves fought with lions and crazy gladiators fought each other, we just missed the last show by 1600 years. If I ever get back to my Maharaja kingdom I’ll build one of these. And I’ll have loads of giant Pingu statues made, also one for Pingvina.
We stuffed our bellies with the best available smells on the planet three times a day and there are hundreds of impressions and stories I could write about, but I have to stop now. It’s dinner time and I still have to load the photos mummy took (in the last photo we are imprisoned in the same dungeon where St.Peter and the arch enemies of Rome were kept - our parents were joking again). Ciao for now.

Pingu and Pingvina in the Maldives

2008-09-17T12:58:00.001+12:00

Now you must think it’s all about fun and adventures, but working in Switzerland was also quite tough and stressful. Anyone who has tried to control the Swiss weather will agree: it’s nearly impossible to guarantee a sunny weekend! So I’d sit there from Monday until Friday close to burnout - with Pingvina regularly distracting me, talking nonstop while I try to work - trying to concentrate on a sunny weekend for our mountain trips. I was getting better at it, especially during summer, but I needed these weekends to recover from my constant headaches! I was run down. On top of that Vini was getting stroppy, always complaining about the house work, she was really jealous about my job. Well there can only be one Pingu the Weather God, can‘t there? When she started to ask questions about my tricks I was getting nervous...

We all needed a break. Finally we were off on holiday again and to begin with it sounded great. Then it turned out that my crazy parents booked a tiny island surrounded by water, somewhere in the Maldives. Another diving nightmare! This time we were left helpless and alone for hours every day for 2 weeks! I don’t think that’s legal, but I had time off work and once, during low tide, Pingvina convinced me to take our deck chair down to the beach for some photos. It was bloody close to the water, maybe you can see how I tried to climb as high as I could. See I don’t mind camels, hippos, elephants, dogs, monsters, whatever - but water is the only thing I’m really afraid of (and children maybe, and sometimes Pingvina). Maybe I need a shrink. Anyway, the restaurant was great, we relaxed and were it not for the water I’d book the Maldives again.
Read from the beginning: Welcome from Pingu & Pingvina Pingu

Pingu and Pingvina home again

2008-08-13T17:49:00.000+12:00

Ok, maybe it‘s boring for you compared to our other crazy Pingu adventures, but in between our travels we didn’t just press our bums on the throne (it rather hurts to sit on the armrests), but got involved with some serious action stuff in Switzerland, too. My Papi took me to the mountains on his bike for example. The first bit was always depressing, he was sweating a lot (swearing, too) and coughing and breathing hard - it was similar to my camel rides in India. But after we reached the summits we dived head down these passes in fluff-raising speeds, my camels never managed to run that fast. He must have lost a lot of water because he always drank extreme amounts of beer after these trips.

My parents obviously thought that penguin kids were not enough, they wanted a pet to guard the house as well. In the zoo orphanage they ran past these tame octopus twins called Gary and Larry and they adopted both. Strangely they miowed and hunted birds, but with little bells on the tentacles it was less of a problem. But one of them had to go, so we sent Larry to England to my aunty. We got quite attached to that sucker Gary, he’s also evolved past any water contacts and is very fluffy, just like us. But he doesn’t talk, just a nice play pet for us kids.
In springtime I suddenly had the urge to build a nest for Pingvina, she appreciated my efforts but frankly, we didn’t know what to do with it. We stood around for at least two days and got bored. Quite a waste of time. We sometimes use it as a weekend cottage when it’s hot.

We also spent many weekends in the mountains together, walking in papi’s pant pockets, first sweating up the hills on foot and then the beer ceremony afterwards. We rode down in cable cars which was just right for Vini’s heart condition. She’s very sensitive but getting better now, at the beginning you couldn’t do anything with her.

One day we had some fun in a monster park that crazy Swiss artist called Bruno Weber built, it was cool and maybe one day I’ll build my own monster park. We also met a real monster in Basel, hundreds of years old, it’s the guard pet of the city and called Basilisk. It was pretty dried up and thirsty, they don’t feed it well. It took me 20 minutes to convince Pingvina to climb up into its claws for a photo - imagine my embarrassment, we had a real scene. Of course it was great to be up there, no worries at all and great posing. This thing never saw a famous Pingu before and was quite honoured to be photographed with us.

Pingu just surviving Greece (and water)

2008-07-18T14:24:00.000+12:00

For once there was no time to listen to Pingvina’s complaints („Pingu this, Pingu that“ we heard that before), because I had so much to tell her! She thought I was the first ever Pingu explorer in South Africa and was extremely proud. But she threatened to destroy my throne if I ever travelled alone again as she was trembling with fear throughout the holidays, she already started picking an the expensive decoration. She’s also allergic to grandmother’s smoking. Pingvina is sometimes very determined. There I was in the old hero tragedy - conquer the world or stay home with my wife?I’ve been to Greece before on a weekend so I decided she can come along for a test trip. The first time I liked Greece because it had plenty of good food and I could sniff some wine on every table. Being a weather god in Greece was easy: first because they are used to this profession and second because my caffeine levels were high enough from all the yummy cold frappe coffees.It turned out Greece was a success for Pingvina but a real shock for myself. First to hear that this time we would explore the islands with all that water in between. But if there was no danger on our trip Pingvina would think I’m a wimp with wings, so for once I kept quiet and just let them book the ferry. The ferries were not all bad, as soon as we had coffee and sat at the bar I stopped trembling. Pingvina was never on a boat before and it was perplexing to see her enjoy herself, a woman full of surprises!

We had a lovely holiday, got rid of the stress and tensions of everyday life, it’s just not healthy these days, mind you we spend all our days two penguins on a throne built for one (and she’s not exactly ‚skinny‘). Greece is perfect to relax. It must be cheap because my parents really stuffed themselves. We smelled lots of flowers, rode a vespa to volcano summits, walked around temples and simply enjoyed ourselves. One of the highlights was a joy ride on a tortoise: they’re so deaf and old they didn’t even notice my rodeo stunt. I was finally able to prove to Vini that it was really me on the camels and elephants in India. We were so romantic, enjoying our candle light dinners, the improvised camping beds at night, the views and memories we shared....! I didn’t mind having her with me at all!Then the nightmare began. Santorini was the most beautiful place on our trip, but it nearly cost me my life!!!! Sometimes happiness and peril are so close and even the most innocent (me!) are at risk. I lost some of my memory due to the trauma, but let me try to recollect the events.
One moment I was happily swinging in the trouser balcony of my dad, getting ready for dinner in a nice restaurant in town (by the way this town was built on a volcano, which is very dangerous in itself but let’s forget that for a moment), the next moment I fell head down onto the dark pavement, it was like a nightmare but I just couldn’t wake up! I heard the steps getting more quiet, then there was nothing at all but silence and darkness, I waited for them to run back and yell ‚surprise‘. But it didn’t happen. If I‘d had a drop of water in my body I would have cried. I lost my sense of time, just floating in loneliness, thinking about Pingvina, my parents, our travels, beer and and if I would ever see all this again. Then it got worse. Incredible noise, a jolt and pain I never felt before, then absolute silence again. No feeling at all. Looking back now I think I have been punished by the Greek gods for meddling in their affairs, the people were obviously desperate for some rain and I held it back against their will. Wow the gods down there are obviously extremely proud and xenophobic (one of their own words right?), never had the same problem with the Indian (nobody cared, probably too much of that ganja in the air) or Swiss gods (too regulated, can’t get out of control). Well I was lying down on the floor for hours reviving the senses in my toes and wingtips. Then suddenly out of nowhere my daddy’s soft caring hand picked me up from disintegration, my lesson was over. I couldn’t utter a word and he rushed me to the dinner table where mummy and Pingvina were waiting. It was like being in a christmas film. Two bottles of beer brought my senses back and we exchanged our stories until late at night.

But the nightmare wasn’t over! After a comatose night (I just remember hearing Pingvina whispering „Pingu....my Pingu...my hero...“ and then I slept) suddenly my mum noticed in daylight that I was (supposedly) extremely dirty, what a nonsense! I never thought my mummy would ever turn out to be my second biggest nightmare! For the first time in my life - AND MY LAAAST TIME!!!! - I had a disgusting shower, what a horrible stupid crazy activity, it freaked the hell out of me. Pingvina didn’t make things better when she showed solidarity and joined the queue, she meant it nicely but made me look stupid. I was wet for hours, unable to move, I felt my seams get weaker and weaker, my feet were heavy, my brain unable to spark a thought, just one more shower and I will call it quits. Ok the next day Pingvina insisted that my belly was shining impressively and I noticed some improvement in reaching out to distant smells, but after near-death who wouldn’t feel like a reborn baby? I had the worst day of my life, for the first time I longed for my Maharaja bed and cushioned throne (if Vini doesn’t gnaw it). Well, we had the best and worst of times in Greece, in the end I got over it.

Pingu in South Africa

2008-06-23T21:39:00.000+12:00

All that travelling wasn’t good for Pingvina’s heart condition and I heard from my grandparents that she started to complain about my travels, „Pingu this...“ and „Pingu that...“, I was glad I wasn’t there to hear her insults. In the end I received a warm welcome, she was relieved that none of my wings were missing and I impressed her a lot with my adventure stories. She was proud of me.

Little did she know what adventures were waiting for me in South Africa! Neither did I. There were many moments of great danger when I thought of her waiting for me on the Pingu throne or in the Pingu King size bed.

First I liked it a lot, I just fitted in. We were invited to yummy barbecues (they call them braai), they are the real barbie masters and they threw so much on it I couldn’t keep up with smelling all that stuff. On top of that they drink huge amounts of beer, because of this their bellies are of similar shape as mine. Just my sort of country.

My parents had to work off all that food so we went trekking up some crazy mountains called Amphitheatre and Drakensberg, I was constantly busy avoiding their dangerous sweat drops. They put me on the edge of a 1000m deep cliff face, right next to the second highest waterfall on earth, my heart was racing I can tell you. But that’s the sort of adventure I can cope with. My mummy would have climbed down the cliff to get me, I know that.

On the way down a little crocodile jumped on my back, we later found out it was actually a baby chameleon who obviously wanted my protection from other wild animals. It kept me free from flies for a while (I seem to attract them too, don’t know why, protection from chameleons?), but soon we had to peel its sticky feet off my back because I realised it might poo on me.

The next adventure would have scared the poo out of every penguin or Pingu, my parents went diving again. I was nearly lost forever in a hut with big dangerous insects (I can still hear the humming of the giant mosquitoes), somewhere in Africa without my Pingvina, I nearly lost my parents! Diving is stupid enough, this time they were diving to see big dangerous sharks! Others are clever enough to dive in a safe cage but not my parents. After 2 hours of shivering under the blanket - ehm actually I was training my muscles to get ready for intruders - they finally came back, all wet with disgusting salt water and with big bruises on their legs. Some weird jelly fish creature tried to eat them alive. I knew it was crazy to go but they didn’t listen. Served them right. Underwater is no environment for humans or penguins.

I didn’t know that it could be just as dangerous on land. I thought we’d go to a big zoo but we suddenly saw all these crazy monsters running around freely: big stinky buffaloes, herds of angry looking wildebeests, silly giraffes with absurdly long legs and necks (must be a backstep of evolution, you don’t need either when you’re intelligent enough), a leopard sneaked through the greenery plotting some attack on me, short-sighted rhinoceros were no danger to humans but they sniffed me out, we even saw lions eating an antilope, so glad they weren’t hungry anymore! Not enough, we also camped overnight, if only Pingvina would have been there with me. Right behind the house we had hippos with huge mouths that can fit at least 150 Pingus, of course I didn’t get close to the water but at night they came out to look for food. I continued my training programme.

Pingu in Malaysia

2008-05-14T13:48:00.000+12:00

Before travelling to Malaysia we spent a nice Easter in our celebration nest. It was getting warmer so she could take off her winter shawl and hat, but she wouldn’t let me wear my poncho neither. The eggs you can see are not real, Pingvina might be ready for children but I prefer chocolate around me. Hm, we should start to merchandise Pingu chocolate eggs and I could test smell all of them, I take a note for the future.

We had a peaceful family life for a while, got to know each other better, I told Pingvina all about Mexico and heard about every single talkshow episode on TV. My bum stopped hurting from sharing the throne and I also learned to divide my food with this most adorable girl in the world. Because she was too young and inexperienced we soon left her with the grandparents once more and headed off to Malaysia!
It was a tough place for a penguin, I didn’t like this trip very much. Malaysia has good smells, I admit that, for example lovely food markets with fresh fish and car loads of raw meat (shame my mami rushed by so fast), or all the offerings in the temples (a great tradition of feeding the gods), a real Pingu feast. Children were better behaved than everywhere else, just smiling and no sticky fingers and sharp teeth, public transport was well organised, too. BUT WHERE‘S THE ALCOHOL???? A very strange concept, the whole country not drinking beer. And then even more strange, in spite of this we did find these incredibly fantastic gorgeous great superb coffee shops which were not selling coffee at all but BEER!!!! And great smells from fresh kitchen stalls all around. Then it turned out that these were Chinese coffee shops. I was torn between fear of new slavery and divine smells to refresh my brain. The smells won within seconds. No one threw me into the pots, no Sweet Sour Pingu on the menu, I haven’t been stored for 1000 years and not been dried for medicine. It was great. But we only found a few of these places and now we come to problem number 2 in Malaysia: my parents headed for all these remote islands, surrounded by evil water, definitely beer free, they dared to leave me alone in the beach huts all day without Pingvina to hold my wings, with waves crashing while they went UNDERWATER which is downright crazy, and they always decided to stay a day longer again and again$@@#!!!#@*!!!The only fun I had on the islands was taming the stupid crabs, they thought they could get me but I was much too heavy to be carried away. I let them pick some dirt off and then kicked them back into their holes. Hm, maybe Malaysia wasn’t that bad overall, but I had a real bad hangover for weeks from the lack of spiritual nutrition.

Pingu in Mexico

2008-04-18T21:23:00.000+12:00

Travelling is nothing for fragile little girls, too dangerous and dirty! It requires courage and a tough skin to do that, so we left Pingvina with her grandparents on the couch, packed her up for a hard winter (that was 2001) and headed off towards Mexico!

Sorry for the useless photos, my parents (just ignore them) cared more for themselves but for me. I tried to win their hearts with making good weather, which I did very successfully, I was also kind of used to the desert environment. Quite interesting to talk to the local weather gods, couldn’t understand much, but very impressive to see how they were worshipped. I wouldn’t mind to have my own big stone pyramid to sit on, some priests visiting regularly, but even though smelling blood sacrifices might be nutritious it’s also barbaric, we live in modern times I think and whoever asks for more than beer is downright arrogant.

It was lonely sleeping on my big fleece mattress every day, sometimes I was under bug attack and had to fight on my own. Well that’s part of travelling, it wasn’t easy after a hard day to think of Pingvina at home, smelling coffee the whole day, enjoying regular meals and all that TV.

Mexico was not as interesting as India, not enough smells and always dusty. People loved me of course and the food was fine (had to sneeze a lot because of the chili), San Miguel and Sol became good friends of mine, but nothing but donkeys to ride on, too close to a lot of water (and my parents even went under water while a forsaken penguin waited in a dusty bag!) and for the first time ever I was separated from my girlfriend.

The only highlight for me was to meet millions of butterflies in the monarch sanctuary near Zitacuaro. They were very friendly, also great travellers, they fly thousands of kilometres every year from as far as Canada to come home to their little forest for a winter party, I wish we modern migrant penguins would have a place like this. Maybe Heineken could sponsor it.

When Pingu met Pingvina...

2008-03-26T18:33:00.000+13:00

I never ever thought about girls, first because I’ve never seen one, and second because I never understood the fuss my parents made about kissing and holding hands and stupid stuff. Then one day a parcel arrived from a remote island in Sweden, Gotland. It was the nicest thing I’ve ever seen! Out jumps this fluffy clean little penguin with the sweetest voice, holding a letter! It was as if lightning struck at my tailfeathers, I was electrified. Pingvina, Pingvina!!!! The letter explained that she grew up on this island, and that she was extremely lonely since birth, no other penguins to play with, a very quiet little girl who never neglected her household duties. She was an orphan like me, and her foster mummy who once met me in Switzerland knew that we were a perfect match. She was to be my ‚mail order bride‘ (who needs marriage anyway, I’d never accept my wings to be ringed, and what if a dog eats her by the end of the week? One has to consider all possibilities!). Oh, Vini, my life has never been the same, my dream girl, my inspiration, my home haven I’d always return to, I love yoooouuuuu!!!!!!

She already spoke some English - but she didn’t speak much. She was extremely shy and went straight to work dusting my throne and bedroom. She ate quite a lot and I have to admit that the bed was a bit small for both of us, not much space for moving around any more. And my bum was getting sore from sitting on the armrest. But most important of all, we found each other! And the way she looked at me... she always looked at me, stared in admiration from morning till night, it felt good. Wow, I suddenly had a Swedish girlfriend!
The photo shows our first New Year together, probably had a few beers too many, but she was still standing, boy did we party!

First honeymoon in New Zealand

2008-02-29T14:34:00.001+13:00

With the sweet smell of dozens of wine bottles and beer cases in my belly we left for my parent’s honeymoon in Bali (just cured our hangover there, but seeing their cool attitudes towards gods in general I might go back one day) and New Zealand. Mami was there before India and liked it so much she wanted to show us how beautiful it is. We travelled the whole country and I learned that penguins don’t just live in Antarctica, but that there are some half-civilised fellows living under houses and in villages. Hey buddies, just a small step and you’re there! This swimming and raw fish diet really spoils it all, they smell worse than camels!

I could move quite freely because they never heard of Pingu before. Even for me the Pingu thing can get too overwhelming, I like my peaceful dialogues with nature.

See how close I got to water!!! I was growing up fast these days. I had my own River Prayag Pingu Temple, made of stone so it will last forever. There was always the danger of a flash flood or a wicked seabird snatching me up, or a wind gust throwing me into the waves, or trees falling over onto my spot, or wild fish jumping out to get me or rain to make me wet, but I occupied my side job long enough for a photo.

Because I didn’t want to be left alone in a house with a cat I agreed to come on a sailing trip. Water everywhere! Why do people do such things? I repeatedly took over the rudder to steer back into the port but the captain insisted on his plans (see one of our fights on the photo). He was a real captain with a big beard and I was happy not to get tangled up in it. Once he explained that the boat belonged to a famous Hollywood actor with a very similar lifestyle to mine (Erroll Flynn - a sort of Hollywood’s version of Pingu), I felt more at home. Couldn’t smell any alcohol left though, he must have drunk it all before he sold the boat. I also survived this adventure, hopefully enough proof that I’m not such a softie.

New Zealand travel info:

First expeditions and adventures

2008-02-23T12:18:00.000+13:00

My early adolescent years were wild and I wasn’t afraid of anything (except water of course, you know how dangerous that stuff is for us evolved penguins). I spent a lot of my time in the Swiss Alps, you can imagine what an achievement that was with my short legs. Without the frequent rest in my Papi’s pocket I admit it would have been impossible to climb all these mountains. He also protected me from these monster beasts that they try to keep away from the villages with fences, they make them wear big noisy bells so children can run away when they are attacking. And they try to drop this gloopy stuff on you, I had a lot of nightmares.

Being a VIP in Switzerland I had the honour of a short flight in Bertrand Piccard’s Breitling Orbiter. In 5 minutes I couldn’t match his first successful balloon circumnavigation of the world but I was the first penguin ever to master such complex machinery. And I didn’t break it.

Lots of people wanted their picture taken with me. Here is one of two strange guys who normally like to scare kids, don’t worry I felt totally safe, often it’s not the big ugly freaks but the tiny cute fellas who can be really dangerous, so watch out for Pingu!

Another test of my courage was to step into the mouth of a Megalodon. This one was dead and dry, but I’ve seen enough films where things suddenly get scary. Maybe he wouldn’t have liked me between his megateeth, this one was over 17 metres and I pity my Antarctic ancestors who had to get wet and maybe meet this guy.

We also made a trip to Mami’s home island called England, where they have never heard of Pingu before. We searched the shores for penguins but found something much better: houses with up to 10 taps where beer is flowing out. In Switzerland they just have water on taps, this was cool! However, this sort of beer didn’t have any effect on my weather capabilities, they have some mean rain gods over there.

And then we had a huge party at home. My parents got married to legalise my status. I already had diplomatic rights due to being a Maharaja and god, but this meant that I wouldn’t end up like many divorce kids, spending one week here and there (if you know my Papi’s cooking you know what I mean), now we were a real family! And the smells alone were worth it.

Back in Switzerland with my parents

2008-02-18T09:55:00.002+13:00

After 2 years of hard work and travelling in India we started to miss Papi, after all family should always come first and so we decided to go and live with him in Switzerland. It was a hard experience to acclimatise myself. It started as soon as we stepped into the car park in Zurich airport when I couldn’t breathe. There was just nothing to inhale! No smells, no essences to nibble on, only slowly I again learned to distinguish food from recreational smells and breathing. Thank God I stored lots of smell reserves in my body tissue, there must have been a dust particle from everywhere in India stashed under my wings, but they gradually disappeared. I have still a few Indian ones hidden 10 years later but I won’t tell anyone where exactly. Another reason was that I had finetuned my skills so well to the desert environment, when they suddenly asked me to make good weather for the weekends I was a total failure. I was used to a success rate of 100% and now it dropped to 30%, I was depressed.

Boy then I learned what evil substance water was (now don't say "But you're a penguin" @#!!$ Only snow is bearable)! There was so much of it around! I completely ignored it before but when it drops fom the sky and people talk of sticking me into washing machines the whole time it’s scary. It was now definitely a goal for me to stop the rain as often as I could. My parents shared the same opinion that I would probably disintegrate if caught in a storm or washed so that was off the table once and for all, what a relief ! But I absolutely hate it when Mami tapes me!!!

And there were the good times. More kinds of beer than you can imagine, and all that wine. I discovered the mountains and gorges, did some snowboarding, meditated at high altitudes, it was my fourth childhood, and slowly I got some control over the weather. Pingu was back!

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Becoming a God

2008-02-10T14:21:00.000+13:00

India is a crazy place, we had so much fun. I turned into a little celebrity and with all this attention they soon realised that 1. I’m not a chicken and 2. I’m not just an ordinary penguin either! I heard a lot about them living in Antarctica, their bums frozen on ice blocks (it’s ok in whiskey), eating raw fish (better in a hot curry) and even getting wet to catch it themselves, what a disgusting and backward way to live! And no smells down there, just cold wind and so boring. I was definitely a step further in evolution: no more flying, no more swimming in stupid water, not even walking is necessary for me!

People noticed that I don’t eat the dirty way like them, but that I can live from smelling food (it has to be nutritious though). That is just the way Indian Gods eat! It soon dawned on me and others, that I must be a sort of god, too. Blimey there are 300 million so the chances were quite big it’s true! But then what was my job, I must serve a purpose, right? We researched and Mami found out that when she feeds me spirits, which I like most of all smells, that it never rained on the next day. We tried to prove this daily for months and months and it was always true! I can keep the rain away! We learned that my boss was called Indra and I’m one of his weather gods! I am more efficient in my Rajasthan home area than elsewhere but that’s also because elsewhere the smells are less intense and Mami doesn’t have loads of disciples who feed me.

And there’s more! During an opium ceremony I half-dreamed that I was born into slavery for a purpose, for I was a wicked film star in an earlier life. Apparently I made lots of dosh and had lots of girlfriends, my Papi even named me Pingu after him (myself) because he (I) was so famous. But I don’t look back. I must have sinned so much it’s best to keep quiet and just fulfill my duty and remain humble about it all (but check out my fan corner on the left hand side, cool!).

Being a Maharaja

2008-02-10T14:05:00.000+13:00

It’s impossible to write about all the adventures we had in India. The smells were so intense that I started gaining weight, and I never really got rid of my tan since. I can hardly remember my innocent white belly from childhood, now it looks as dark and leathery as Clint Eastwood’s. I soon found out the difference between admirers and enemies, sometimes they did both at the same time. The most dangerous people in the world are definitely kids, the smaller the worse they are. First they grab me, press my belly and head, even try to torture me (they wouldn’t listen to any confession I make neither), then they bite and try to eat me, and when my Mami steps in to save me they start to cry as if they couldn’t live without me! I like worshipping, but without the torture thing.

Because Mami was so important we visited lots of palaces and I met many people with turbans and moustaches. The people who followed her always bought loads of stuff wherever they went, similar to chicken who always pick up things off the ground. Mami and I were always very welcome, although sometimes people were so confused they thought I was the leader and Mami my servant. Well, not confused perhaps, as they do have 5000 years of wisdom and sometimes a third eye with which they can see things, but of course I couldn’t control Mami like I did with the camels.

One special day she thought I was old enough to meet the Maharaja. She dressed me up and we had dinner in a big room. Full of pride, the Maharaja just showed everybody how to tie his turban when suddenly he spotted how perfectly done mine was! In fact it was more precise than his. He was totally impressed and we were big friends since. Whenever we stopped by in his palace gave me the honour to guard his weapon collection. When we saw him the last time he gave me a big good bye present! He gifted me with some of his own land to make sure I would always leave a part of me with him. Well it was just a square metre or so but being an owner of royal property that turned me into a Maharaja myself!!! I love that guy! He kept calling me Murg but that was fine.

Travelling in India was much more fun since. People started to take pictures of me, everyone fed me with smells and we had VIP treatment in most places, similar to Princess Diana whose seat I sat on.

Learning to drive

2008-02-09T18:51:00.000+13:00

They called me Murg, Chhota Murg… And I HATE IT!!! Well these Indians, they have never seen a cool penguin before so either they look at you like you’re a beautiful god or they think you’re a … well… chicken. $#@!!! I'M NOT A CHICKEN!!!! Speaking of these stupid senseless animals, you know how little chicks look at the first face after they hatch and recognise their mum? That’s exactly how I felt when I saw mine! I hatched myself out of Papi's dark backpack and it was so obvious! She knew I’m not a chicken and couldn’t stop fussing me, it was the beauty god treatment (she treated Papi the same way, he was much nicer to me after that). My Mami turned out to be quite a cool chick herself. She loved drinking beer, brought me to many restaurants with wingdropping smells and everyone seemed to follow her and treat her like a Queen. There were always at least 8 people going after her, first I thought it was because of me.

Then another shock, my new parents suddenly split up, my Papi simply left us at the airport. Maybe the smells were too much for him. He spent most of his time on the toilet anyway. I was transferred from his dirty pants pocket into a warm balcony high up in my Mami’s shirt, real VIP stuff! We missed him but soon it was just too hectic and we were head on into all sorts of adventures.

I have trouble walking and am too evolved to fly (like birds still do, and the only bird I like is a Kingfisher, or Tandoori Chicken), so I learned how to control elephants (the trick is to control the guy who sits on top) and camels (not as easy, they are stubborn creatures, never got them to actually walk and boy they stink, from both ends!). It’s quite funny to drive something 100‘000 times your own weight, you should try it yourself.

Arriving in India

2007-09-21T13:03:00.001+12:00

It was a nightmare. Another dark long déjà vu in a dark cramped space. Another surprise at the end. The amount and intensity of all the smells was beyond measure, stuff I never smelt before and some even edible, this was definitely my place! But oops, wasn’t this the place where they wanted to donate my poor fluffy self to wing-pulling drooling biting screaming bad-smelling children??? I panicked again and tried to enjoy my last free moments. Suddenly his hand grabbed me, it was incredibly bright suddenly and I found myself cuddled up in a soft warm nice-smelling hand full of love – MAAAMIIII!!!

Yes, that’s how I found my Mami, how she found me. It was obviously all just a prank about the dangerous brats and so on, I’m sure what happened was 100% fate and not just pity because I’m so cute (like they still say sometimes). It was soon clear that I was to spend most of my childhood in this smelly place called India, and boy that was fun! I was still young and white on my belly back then, but the adventures ahead were to turn me into quite a cool guy.

Early childhood in Switzerland

2007-08-23T16:48:00.001+12:00

My second childhood in Switzerland was short. After the hell I went through it felt like being reborn. Soon my nightmares stopped (wings falling off, stuffed in a dark box, suffocating under countless other penguins etc.) and I discovered how superb food can smell, somehow it made me feel very energetic. Even today I still like burnt stuff. I grew into a handsome little Pingu boy. Only my Papi’s remark „take you to India as a gift for children“ scared me down to the bones, but obviously he was joking.

Well, actually my Papi wasn’t that nice to me back then. He was mostly out and I was lying around the whole time (I have some trouble moving around by myself). I remember he was very excited when he received phone calls from far away, it looked like he would soon leave this place here and me behind. Very confusing. Then he really packed a big bag – and me inside!

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Welcome from Pingu & Pingvina!

2007-04-27T10:48:00.000+12:00

Hello friends around the world

This page will soon tell you all about my fascinating adventure life - including love life and beer parties - but first I want to tell you about my early beginnings, being born a small orphaned penguin slave in China. Don't cry now, everything turned out well in the end.

I hatched in 1997 in a penguin farm somewhere in China, a slave kid among thousands, my destiny was to be sold to some dangerous children for torture, lots of wing-pulling and certain death. I don't remember much but the journey was long, dark and cold. I had to be brave for my brothers and sisters and tried to protect them as much as I could, but I was packed in plastic and couldn't move.

Suddenly flashes of light, heavenly smells and before I knew it I saw my Papi for the first time! He bought me out of slavery, freeing me from that happy meal box, I don't think my brothers and sisters were so lucky (shudder). I was a free penguin!

He gave me my first real nest!

I now had a Papi and a home and I was happy. But I felt there was still something missing, I didn't know what.

pingu